Understanding the Field of Political Identity
By Libertarian Leonard
Meme from imgflip.com
Wednesday, June 21st, 2017, 04:35 pm Eastern
Navigating the atmosphere of political identifiers can be a bit tricky. I'm here to help with an honest (and bluntly hilarious) presentation of what these labels are and what they mean! You'll laugh, you'll cry, some of you will shout "SHAME! SHAME!" It's gonna be a great time.
Nationalists - This word is often thrown around with things like "piece of shit" "Nazi" etc. Nationalists are just obnoxiously unapologetic patriots. No one's sieg heiling till you put an ethnicity in front of the word, so chill out you assumptive jerk-offs!
Ex. - "AMURICA! FUCK YEAH! *Stone Cold Steve Austin beer bath celebration* IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT GET OUT!"
Communists - Faggots. That's it. We're taking that word back. It's no longer a derogatory term for our fabulous friends. Fag equates to a burning bundle of sticks, and that's all the commies will have when the electricity goes out! See? it even assimilates properly to it's new and better form! Let's be real, we all hate faggots. They just cry and whine about the government not being big enough. That other people pay half their income just isn't enough in taxation. Meanwhile, they're embracing the light of capitalism and voluntary interaction to utilize GoFundMe to make rent, or in the case of now famous "MoldyLocks," medical bills! This little lady made a GoFundMe asking for over $40K in treatment of a "concussion" she got from a Nazi of sorts at the Battle of Berkeley. Though I'm no fan of Nathan Damigo, it was bitter sweet justice given Moldylocks spent her day with Antifa throwing glass bottles with M-80s in them at people!
Ex. - "I deserve free stuff cause some guy who lived off his rich best friend wrote a book about it and inspired the death of millions."
Libertarian - Uh, yeah... people who want freedom for everyone aren't racist, dumb dumb. Over all pretty cool, pretty fucking crazy, but pretty cool contrary to which ever misconception you happen to be a victim of. As Being Libertarian once said: "A Libertarian can never truly fall in love because our hearts already belong to Ron Paul." Paraphrased (likely terribly), but true. Them Ron Paul BROners are somethin' serious. And who could blame them? I'd fuck him! The most accurate political meme I've ever seen was, "who do Libertarians hate?" It was a pie chart. 12.5% Democrats, 12.5% Republicans, 75% other Libertarians. This is true, in a party full of people who advocate Individualism, there is bound to be lots of name calling. Expect a dump trucks' worth of ridicule should you go on a comment thread and input anything other than "Chopper rides for the faggots (*see Communism*)!"
Ex. - "Did you know taxation is theft? 'MUH ROADS,' heh, faggot (*see Communism*). I LOVE RON PAUL. Did you watch Rand Paul's fillibuster highlights? End the fed!"
Religious Libertarian - About 50/50. Good sports about dealing with the fact their freedom ends where another's begins, and the other half don't know what a Libertarian is.
Ex. - First 50% "I love the Constitution and Jesus Christ. End the fed!"
The other 50% "NOISE! JESUS AND NOISE! DON'T TREAD ON ME TREADING ON YOUUUU! End the fed."
Whew, at least the last part was reasonable!
Bernie Bro's - Faggots Lite (*see Communism* ) (also called a socialist, or as Gavin McInnes coined - communism lite; hence - faggots lite (*see Communism*)), only they really are just a young crowd who haven't gotten a paycheck or routinely receive any bills to pay and are waiting to stumble upon a Ron Paul video. White Nationalists also liked Bernie, like the Portland stabber! 'Socialist' is in the acronym: Nazi.
Ex. - "FREE COLLEGE! FEEL THE BERN BRO! I haven't the faintest idea about economics!"
AnCap (Anarcho-Capitalist) - Mean well, but ultimately dumb.
Ex. - "Who ever wrote this article is a statist slut. END THE FED!"
AnCom (Anarcho-Communist) - Don't mean well, also faggots (*see communism*) who are dumb.
Ex. - Everyone's a fucking fascist but me... and my comrades. FREE SPEECH IS HATE SPEECH!"
I told you they're fucking dumb!
Antifa - Lulz, faggots (*see Communism*). I could go on, but I'd essentially be giving you an extended version of the last uh, "label", so refer back to An(archo)-Com(munist) above, in case you've forgotten that IN DEPTH explanation.
Proud Boys - Not alt-right. An all inclusive group that you will likely hear is "RACIST NAZI SCUM" for the crime of advocating capitalism and western chauvinism (no, not sexism, feminists are dumb and use that word wrong, it means pretty much the same thing as the nationalist description provided at the start). Conservative leaning. Basically fucking nerds for the right reasons. Stand by American values, cherish the idea of a loving family and hard work. Basically just a bunch of guys who wear a sharp black polo with some yellow trim around the sleeves and collar. Sometimes they beat up Antifa, but what are you supposed to do when they throw bottles at you?
Republicans - People who will perpetuate corporatism and ruin your life by arresting you for using drugs. Against all odds, not racist.
Democrats - People who will shame you from their moral high horse and ruin your life by arresting you for using drugs. Against all odds, accidentally racist!
NOW FOR THE FUNNEST!
Alt-Right - Where to even begin? The problem with defining the alt-right is that it is inherently difficult for those who don't care to take a look. This is due to the fact that those who make up the far right coined the tern "Alt-Right." I find this exceptionally funny that they call themselves "right" by the way. When they play identity politics and are largely advocates of socialism, I can't help but feel they have more in common with the left. Their goal from what I can gather is to establish a state available strictly to those of "pure European decent," though Richard Spencer was allegedly not thrilled when Austin Petersen (candidate for the Libertarian party of 2016) issued him a purity challenge via DNA test. Essentially they only want the cream of the crop like Emily Youcis, who, before being fired, had been setting the world on fire selling pistachios at Citizens Bank Park in Philadelphia.
Separate from that mess, those who carelessly offend whomever whenever it seems available to do so on the internet were also labeled as Alt-Right. A majority in that aspect are really just trolls fucking around and shit-posting. The Trump crowd has a piece of the pie in this too. Trump was an alternative (aside from Rand Paul) to any establishment based representative on the GOP platform. That being said, the majority of Trump voters aren't running around beating up gays or dragging anyone behind their trucks. So all said and done, it's cut three ways starting with Trump, the shit-lords of 4chan (trolls), and of course, vanilla faggots (*see Communism*).
At the end of the day, identity politics is bad wherever it's found. It disregards Individualism. We are all Individuals. Therefore each of us are the ultimate minority, hence the idea of "vote your interest." This is seemingly something of a controversy to even suggest, but I'd say it's a fairly fundamental understanding of the grounds on which life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness are built. If you couldn't tell from reading this, my Individualism is pretty strongly based in offensive humor. Lighten up, have a laugh, and as fellow r(E)volutionized contributor Kyle O'Donnell would say: One love, Namaste, go fuck ya'self.