Superbowl Earns its Lowest Ratings In a Decade

Amid pre-game controversies, bloated commercials, and the lowest-scoring game in Superbowl history, the NFL misses the Eagles

The patriots were penalized by the NFL in 2007 for filming defensive coordinators from an unauthorized location during a game

The patriots were penalized by the NFL in 2007 for filming defensive coordinators from an unauthorized location during a game

2/4/19, 7:27 pm EST

By John Corry, photo from Pinterest

It was the perfect scenario: a team from a famously football-centered city, who’d never before won a Superbowl, who’d gone 13-3-0 in the regular season with a star-rookie quarterback, though who was unfortunately lost late in the season to injury, forcing the aging backup quarterback to lead the team through the playoffs and to the Superbowl, where they’d face off against arguably the most hated team in NFL history, who’d won 2 Superbowls in the previous 4 years, and who’d been to the Superbowl 3 times in that time period. In addition, the halftime show promised to be wonderful, with the optimistic Lady Gaga helming the show on the heels of her then-new album Joanna.

It was going to be beautiful; it was going to be brawn.

But that was last year.

This year, of course, the former Superbowl champs, The Philadelphia Eagles, lost their bid early in the playoffs after a season where even a playoff appearance was doubtful (s’right), but the losers of last year, those terrible cheaters which everybody loves to hate, were back in the saddle. For more examples of why everybody hates the Patriots, check out this, this, this and this (or just know that they’ve been accused of cheating on several occasions, or take a look at Tom Brady’s horrible face). At 13-3, the game was the lowest-scoring game in NFL history, with the score not exceeding 3-3 until late in the 4th quarter.

In addition: halftime performers Maroon 5–whose performance was controversial even before they were announced to do it thanks to calls from Colin Kaepernick supporters to further turn football completely into politics (I get the sentiment, and I agree, but if an act doesn’t want to infuse politics into their art, I think that’s their call and should respected regardless of what their decision may be (hence why Radiohead playing in Israel is none of Roger Waters’ damn business))–were quickly condemned for their performance almost as being as boring as the game. How Iron Maiden or Slipknot hasn’t yet been asked for that gig is beyond me.

All of which led to the worst ratings for a Superbowl since 2009. At just above 100 million viewers, the drop from last year was about 5%, and 12% from the year before.

'The game was boring’, ‘the halftime show was boring’, ‘even the commercials were boring’. Plus the WORST TEAM IN THE LEAGUE ENDED UP WINNING. There was no way this could have gone any other way, everyone knows: Tom Brady is a demon, and demons only work for their own self-gain.

No wait, was that the Washington Post? They’re such heroes, fighting our wars, sending us to space, saving people from fires and reporting ONLY the news with no bias whatsoever (of course) (I don’t want to call out the Post too much here; I find a general thinking that ‘we’re the shit because we’re fighters (and not the intellectual kind (which recognizes balance as preceding conclusion))’ is taking over most media outlets and thinkers at an alarming rate, and I find that pointing out the absurdities to be the most effective way to get my thoughts out there (although, I’m not sure it totally is– whatever, I’ll get back to you)).

I know that if I don’t pat myself on the back for stirring divisions through my publication for financial gain, I just can’t get myself out of bed to do it anymore.