Phi11y’s P-Hines{T} /> #Hardcore PHant-[O]m$: Part Two, Chapters Eleven and Twelve

Excerpts from r(E)volutionized contributor John Corry’s satire Phi11y’s P-Hines{T} /> #Hardcore PHant-[O]m$

Physical front, back and spine of Corry’s Phi11y’s P-Hines{T} /> #Hardcore PHant-[O]m$.

Physical front, back and spine of Corry’s Phi11y’s P-Hines{T} /> #Hardcore PHant-[O]m$.

12/3/18, 1:44 pm EST

By John Corry

From the flap:

“Imagine if Tom Wolfe had been born in 1975 and instead of writing 'Radical Chic and Mau-Mauing the Flak Catchers' in 1970, he'd have written a book about the state of society and it's obsession with social media, internet fame and all of the intricacies that go along with it. On shrooms. Using Chuck Palahniuk's 'Pygmy' as his sole piece of inspiration.... you'd have John Corry's 'Phi11y's P-Hines[T] /> #Hardcore Phant-[O]m$'.” -Travis Besecker (author and comedy writer)

After 19-year-old reformed gang member Randall Gähstŭr is brutally murdered at the start of the Baltimore riots of 2015, the subsequent investigation leads both his former closest friends and the two very different special agents assigned to investigating the case into a web of conspiracy involving everything from police corruption, to global world domination, to manipulated/unnecessarily clung-to gang violence (relatively defined), war, and, eventually /> r(E)volution.

Every Monday and Friday, we’ll be releasing 1-2 chapters of r(E)volutionized contributor John Corry’s Phi11y’s P-Hines{T} /> #Hardcore PHant-[O]m$. You check it out here, get a free PDF here, or check it out on Amazon, or on Barnes and Noble.

Parental discretion is advised.


“That cops can treat people so shabbily, the very people who literally pay their salaries and set their operating budgets, gives a grim glimmer of life at the social, economic, political bottom, where people have no influence, no clout, no voice.”

“For the media explores the episodic, while it ignores the systematic.” 

“Despite the legal illusions to divide and separate life, we the caged share air, water and hope with you, the not-yet-caged.”

–Mumia Abu-Jamal


April 27th, 2015

11:59 p.m.

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania–the birthplace of the United States of America, the home of the 1974 and 75 ‘Broad Street Bullies’[1], and a city with about as much relevance in the racial tensions gripping the country around 2015 as a pack or Pokémon cards or a Vanilla Ice verse (I’m satirically referencing MOVE here (a ‘black freedom’ organization prominent in the 80’s) and the fact that several blocks which were known to house many of their members in West Philly were bombed like bubbles in boiling water–kids killed and all–by police on May 13th 1985[2] :/)–was a very hopping city fa’ sho’, with much bipartisan history and entertainment to offer to anyone willing to go looking for it. It could, however, also be a total shit-hole if you were a willingly depressed, I-hate-everything (but Slayer)-because-I’m-too-smart-to-stand-for-this-horse-shit Douchy hipster-wanker-shit flap, who may forget the idea that simple anger could ever possibly be justified as in any way indicative of certain elements/aspects of human behavior /> but I’m biased, and I honestly don’t think that there are too many of those types of people out there anyway–

That’s a lie :(…




 Anyway, with the whole independence and country being started here thing, the slews of tourists would come through with their families and husbands and wives, but that wasn’t the only thing. It’s bar scene, is music scene, its jewelry stores and their littered side-streets of live and prosperous homeless veteran populations addicted to prescription drugs were among the ABSOLUTE BEST and most evolved in the entire country, possibly the world (:o), and oh how many only knew it oh how well.


At its center laid city hall, right where the two main streets of the city met, perpendicular to one another /> at Market and Broad streets. Judging from which way you were looking, standing in its only totally-super-natural square (like, not ‘supernatural’–it ironically didn’t have much nature in it at all #WTFMr.Mayor??? ), you could make quite the observation of the city itself. Taking a right out (assuming we’re looking at it like from a map (with North on top (or: straight?))), looking East, toward the river, was arguably the nicest general area of town: old city (the only other possible contenders being the Parkway or Boathouse Row, but I’ll get to all the ‘luxuries’ later), with Philly’s main business district contained in something of a square right next to it, outlined by Market on top, Broad on the left, about Front or 2nd street to the right and in the bottom: just a little above South Street (South street had Jim’s (steaks) /> Pat’s and Geno’s (steaks) (three of the most-famous most-famous Philly-food spots in the city (…debatable)) were in the Italian district: a little bit below South on the East side of Broad). On the other side of Broad, here (taking a left out of city hall, and going a little north)), was a little more ‘shady’ area, though still much nicer than some others momentarily described (:( ), etched out on a slant by the awesome and always luxurious ‘museum’ district on the Benjamin Parkway. Just a tad West from this and you’ll hit the Schuylkill River, and a travel across that would put you right inside ‘University City’ named for its overabundance of colleges and therefore: college kids, vibes, judgments and ideas #Hipsters #FUCKINGHipsters #UnlessWe’reShootin’NoOneNo-ticesTheYouth#Pac#MeAgainstTheWorld [4] (this last area, ‘University City’, may also be referred to as ‘West Philly’ :º).

If you really wanted to know what it was like to never leave college though, and the shit-holes down there (I mean… total, incontrovertible geniuses ;D) would probably love that I’m saying this (<3) (,|,), just take a nice stroll on down Girard a little north from Market Street dividing old city from shit-land (shit-land: north, past Spring Garden)–in and out through Chinatown (just on the verge of Center City)–then past Northern Liberties (or: the start of the evil)–and–straight into–that’s right!–you guessed it!–…=O–#Fishtown #HomeOfTheFish   #HipsterParad-ise .

Situated just along the last exit to I-95 in, and in between, the main part of the city and Kensington (the absolute worst part of the city #SoBadSoThatItShouldBeMentionedTwiceNow , and the heroin capitol of the East Coast for some time (or: so I’ve heard (boasters xH)), Fishtown was reserved only for the most culturally superior and spiritually advanced. They knew what was up #TheyKnewIt #Up*TheyKnewIt*TheyKnewItTheBest #TrueKnowledge #TheTruestKnowledge*TheTruestKnowledge #SoTrue #SoTrue*SoTrue #SoTrue #–

Rounding out the circle, and filling in the gap between the slant of the Parkway and Fishtown, would be a whole bunch of shit (poverty) ($) and, somewhere in the middle (a little north, and around the street where Fishtown, to the East, ended a whole Kensington away </3) came the epitome of Philadelphia’s grandiosity, the center of all things great, and the home of the great legend himself *TheGreatest *TheGreatestLegend (Bill Cosby XD): Temple University. It should be mentioned here, quite seriously (unlike that Cosby joke there #BeingPoliticallyIn-correctIsWhereTheMoneyIsAtXDD ) that Temple’s Mitten Hall was what housed the auditorium which held one of Philly native John Coltrane’s quite possibly most legendary performances. They played Naima and Crescent /> and My Favorite Things[5]. It’s awesome.

There weren’t too many people that Al or Herb or Barry knew living in the city at that time, and if there were, they were almost all in the city’s wildly financially strategic Fishtown district. I don’t know exactly who their friends were, nor which shops they owned, bands they played in, etc.; nor was it clear that anyone from the burbs ever had any idea what they were actually doing when they went down to the city, or if they ever did anything of any relevance down there anyway #Hipsters (=P), including, for certain, figuring out whether or not Fishtown was really just for, and full of, hipsters and only hipsters #HipstersAndOnlyHipsters #HipstersAlwaysSuck#ALWAYS*-AllTheTime#AllTheTime*AllTheTime and only hipsters or if there were ever any other kinds of hip–


Barry Swindle walked into Boobs N’ Barrels Guns, *TheBest *TheAbsoluteBest , just a few blocks off Broad Street somewhere in between Temple U and the Community College of Philadelphia off Spring Garden (in the northwest quadrant of the Market-to-Broad-square-layout of Philly just described), at precisely 11:59 p.m. on April that 27th, 2015. He wasn’t in there very long, not in the front, that is. In addition to his leather boots, pants, and jacket with a number of Douchebag™ patches on it (Venom, Burzum, Immortal, Emperor, Gorgoroth, Bathory, Darkthrone, Thrice :! #BlackMetalDouchebag ), he wore his hair down for once (as opposed to his usual pony tail), and had his sunglasses covering his eyes, even though it had been fuckin’ dark out for like, over six fuckin’ hours, fuckin un-cool wannabe-hardcore shit-eater–

The cashier (Reggie) was the only person in there. When Barry entered the shop, he stood up. It felt as though they may have previously met…

Barry approached the register slowly, and put his hands once he got there atop the glass window encasing the large array of ammunition, carrying cases and other gun-related apparel. He looked at Reggie the Cashier like a weirdo if he didn’t know the guy, and smiled.


Reggie asked for no background info.


Barry’s smile widened.


He leaned in on the counter. Reggie grinned–


Barry was eminent (!!!). Neither of them knew who was going to bring it up first…


“What the fuck–”

 “So you think you could help me out, man?”


[1] Philadelphia Flyers Stanley Cup Champions 1974, 1975 (ice hockey) (and FUCK all the rest of y’all <3)

[2] - Demby, Gene. Why Have So Many People Never Heard of the MOVE Bombing? NPR. 18, May 2015. Web. Jul. 2015, (cont)

- The political implications, as well as the foundations and goals of the movement itself, are all very controversial, once again I would highly suggest looking this up yourself

[3] So well… *TheMostWell

- …veterans?

[4] 2Pac. ‘Me Against the World’. Me Against the World. Out Da Gutta Records, Atlantic Records, Interscope Records. 1995

[5] Coltrane, John. Offering: Live at Temple University. The Verve Music Group. Santa Monica, California. 2015