American History XY Chromosome
A Modern Story for Modern America
9/20/18, 3:53 pm EDT
By Jock DareDuh, photo from Dr. Drew (video below)
There he sat alone at the bar one Thursday night after work. It was his weekly routine in which he would sit to unwind and watch the sportsball while minding his business. On this Thursday, however, his routine would be wildly disrupted.
A slender woman in a dress approached him and asked "looking for a good time, baby?" Hard to miss the bulge that was the adams apple in her throat, it was inevitably more difficult to overlook the partially erect bulge in her tight dress. He politely responded "no thank you" and turned back to the television. She stood staring at him, seething in silence. The rage corrupted her face. She pulled out her phone and began to livestream before falling into a fit of rage and obscenity.
He began to look around as everyone took note of the situation. "YOU TRANSPHOBE!" she shouted. The call to arms had been queued. The entire bar gathered around him chanting "RACIST, SEXIST, ANTI GAY, DONALD TRUMP IS KKK!" Under the weight of the social pressure, he collapsed into an attempt at explaining, but it only made it worse. A young woman screamed in his face "LOOK AT HIM MANSPLAIN!" The chant seemed as though it would never end.
So she put him in a headlock and dragged him out of the bar as the crowd followed, chanting relentlessly. She punched him and said "you're going home in an ambulance tonight," to which he replied "that doesn't make any sense!" though this only made it worse, as a few members of the mob jumped out wearing masks to help her beat him. Sufficiently broken after getting jumped, they laid him in the parking lot facing the curb.
"HOW DARE YOU TURN 'HER' DOWN?! 'SHE'S' A BEAUTIFUL STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN!"
She kneeled over him. "CIS white boy you just fucked with the WRONG bull!" She was also a bull-kin* "YOU SHOULD HAVE LEARNED YOUR PLACE IN GENDER STUDIES CLASS! BUT YOU STRAIGHT WHITE MALES NEVER GET THE MESSAGE!" The crowd cheered her on.
"I'm going to teach you a lesson now mother fucker. PUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH ON THE CURB!"
Consentingly under the threat of more violence, he placed his mouth upon the curb. "NOW SAY GOODNIGHT!" she screamed before driving her foot directly into the back of his head.
The BLM-approved police had arrived. She was arrested and taken to Burger King. They laughed together as she told them her side of the story. She was out of lock-up by morning and applauded during her court hearing for standing up for social justice.
In celebration, a statue was erected of her in place of General Robert E. Lee in what is now known as Emancipation Park in Charlottesville, Virginia.
The hour struck 13 and she lived happily ever after.