Zombie_Ritual__Second_Coming (Chapter Two, Part One (of Two Parts))
This is the first part (of two) of Chapter Two to a novella called The Zombie Ritual_A Second Coming by r(E)volutionized founder/contributor John Corry. Book is indeed available in the r(E)volutionized store
Family Time, Hesitated Future, Intro to the Theory of absolute Absolutes/True Relative Opposites, Intro to the Circle of Forms, Relations to ‘Becoming’, Plato’s Absolutes (Phaedo, Phaedrus), Plato’s Absolute Reality (Parmenides, Phaedo, Phaedrus, Philebus, Timaeus)
Chuck’s extended family was pretty wealthy, or at least some of them were. For over twenty years, his Uncle Kam owned the luxurious Bed and Breakfast to which Chuck and his family were then headed, complete with five floors, over a hundred rooms, and a ballroom that could match that of the biggest and most luxurious in all of lower Manhattan! It was huge (‘YUUUUUUUUGE!’), was located in the middle of one of those legendary forests in Northern California (though Chuck never noticed anything but the bugs :!), and was only a short >ten-minute drive from several different bustling towns. It even had one of those classic ‘oldè’ style dirt roads serving as the only path leading in-or-out of the place from the main road about a mile out.
Chuck had been to his uncle Kam’s BNB a good several times throughout his life, but this was the first in a little over three years, the longest he’d yet gone without visiting. Every couple of months, Chuck’s extended family, most, or all, twenty-nine of them and counting, would meet up for holidays, birthdays, just-for-fun, etc. Up until several years previous, Chuck got very much along with all of his aunts and uncles, and his G-Dad (or: G-Pa (grandfather, ‘grandpa’, ‘what-the-fuck-ever’)) was the one who’d turned him onto Jung, Nietzsche, Arendt, Plato, and MLK Jr. all by the time Chuck was only twelve (years old).
After his dad parked it, Chuck stepped out the car to take a quick glance at the eight sixty-foot-high Greek columns on both sides of the main entrance door of the equally tall main entrance building (this was a BIG bnb, btw), started helping his dad to get the luggage out the back when he noticed his Uncle Sean walking up to him with his mouth moving for some reason #IWonder:WhyInTheWorldWould-HeBeDoingThat? #Speaking? #NoWay #FakeNews #FakeNews #SO-FakeNews*SOFakeNews #FakeNews*SoFakeNews*FakeNews*Fake-News*FakeNews*FakeNews*FakeNews .
“We were starting to worry that you weren’t coming!” Chuck’s Uncle said. “Everybody else is already settled in.”
Chuck’s dad: “We took the scenic route–”
“How ya doing, Chuck?”
Sean shook Chuck’s hand, drew him in for a hug. Then he moved onto Chuck’s parents, to whom he did this same thing (intro, handshake, BIG hug), before asking: “So how did the appointments go yesterday?”
Chuck’s dad: “Great. I think it’s a very acceptable alternative to the vaccine,” and he pulled another bag from the trunk. “Natural, organic, not tampered with by greedy bloodsucking demon-scientists; what more could you possibly want?–”
“They’ve only just found it in the Amazon a mere week ago,” added Chuck’s mom. “It is truly, truly incredible–”
“Yea, I’ve heard a ton about it,” said Sean, reluctantly. “I’ve had some friends say they’re doing it for their kids as well, quite a number of them. In fact, just judging from how quickly it’s been distributed throughout the country, it almost makes you question the intention…”
“And I believe it still has yet to be approved by the FDA–”
“Of course it hasn’t been approved by the FDA.” –Mrs. Zelmer, with a chuckle. “I’m not letting my kids get poisoned by our government’s need for more power–”
“You’ve heard the stories.” –Chuck’s dad, calmly.
“I have, but I’m not too sure of their legitimacy–”
“Neither am I,” and Chuck’s dad stopped unpacking the car to face his brother directly, finger sternly pointed (=1). “But I know something is wrong, and that part of fixing any problem is taking chances...”
>Goddamned 99% of scientists conspiring with organizations of power for world domination just as they clearly always have throughout all of human history #TheCatholicChurch-Though,Aren’tTheyGreat? <
Lifting his heavy bag out the trunk, Chuck noticed the rest of his family walk up, including several of his cousins.
“Yo, what up, fam?” Paul (one of Chuck’s cousins) asked Chuck as they fist-bumped.
“Not much, holmes–”
“Hi, Chuck!!! How are you?!”
Another one of Chuck’s cousins, Terry, after just saying hi (just then!^ =O), ran up and gave Chuck another big-ass hug that he didn’t return #AllGirlsMustHaveCooties,TheyMust*TheyMust*The-yMUSTHaveCooties! . Chuck was in the middle, age-wise, of all his cousins, Andy and John both being two years older, and Kelly: three. He had seven more, younger, cousins, Terry being one of them, and his two best friends on the planet (aside from Helen, of course #Obviously ) were his two cousins Shannon and Paul, who were both the same age as Chuck, give or take a few months. Paul had short, brown hair–skinny motherfucker–smoked a ton of weed, but remained sharp at all times, perhaps even more so stoned; and Shannon was a Beautiful Blonde /> clearly a future sorority headmaster the month before she first walked on campus in a year, and was already working her ass off for countless charity events and organizations.
Shannon reached Chuck’s person, gave him yet another /> fucking hug–
“So how’s Helen?” she asked after.
“I still can’t believe you’re dating her, man.” –Paul, while anxiously looking around to see if any of the parents were eavesdropping on their conversation.
“She’s just so–”
“We can’t believe you’re dating anyone is what he meant to say.” –Shannon.
Terry, six years younger than the other three (putting her at eleven): “That was mean!”
Chuck: “She’s right–”
“Oh, stop,” Shannon said. “I just mean you’re too young to be spending so much time with one girl, especially when you’ve been dating for only two weeks and you haven’t even had sex yet–”
“Yea, that’s totally what I meant to say, like, heh, fo realz,” said Paul. “You guys are still kids. How can you know what ‘looooove’ is if you’re only a kid ha-ha?” and he gave another awkward chuckle before adding: “Right?–”
“I actually think she’s really cool, like, just as a person,” Shannon continued. She then quietly laughed to herself for a moment, before saying: “Terry, do you remember when she sang that cover of ‘Epiphany’ from Stephen Sondheim’s Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street the last time they were over?”
Terry, her eyes closed, one hand on her heart, the other to infinity, ‘mock-opera’ sang: “______________________________ __________________________________–”
“You guys are just jealous she’s so hot–”
“Oh, no, I’m not jealous of that,” and Shannon lowered her sunglasses with her finger to reveal her BIG blue eyes, winked at Chuck like she knew what he was really thinking #Looooovvvee #AlsoNotTrue(InThisStory)#NoWay#NoWay#NoWay#Sarcasm#NoFUCKINGWay(NOTINTHISSTORYNOTATANYTIMENOTEVERXPXPXP ), and then ran off to go say hello to Chuck’s parents and younger brother–
Terry followed Shannon–
“So everything is all set, dude.”
Paul had finally finished looking around the area, apparently formally decided that the parental coast was all clear, or at least as clear as it would be–all the parents were far too interested in hearing about Shannon’s new ‘Hungry for the Homeless’ endeavor to be paying attention anyway…
“Yea?” Chuck responded. “I wanted to make sure before I officially invited anybody.”
“Oh yea, dawg,” Paul said. “We even got Reggie the DJ for the whole night, and Rufus agreed to keep the kitchen open.”
“Holy shit! That’s awesome! Rufus is the man!”
Chuck whipped out his phone, texted Helen:
/> it’s on!
/> so excited! AAHH!!! <3
/> <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
“You’re not going to invite everybody you did last time, right?” –Paul.
“Oh! No…” Chuck said. “I uh... I don’t hang out with them anymore–”
“Well, good. Country sucks balls, and we have more than enough disabled dumbass rednecks here with no brains as it is–”
“What the fuck did you just say?”
The speaker of that last quote, Chuck’s older cousin Kelly, walked up, spoke as she went.
“You know I’ve listened to nothing but country music since I was five, and I’m about to get a master’s in neuroscience?–”
“What does that have to do with music taste?” –Paul
“What does that have to do with being a dumbass redneck?”
Kelly waved him off, gave Chuck another /> ‘big-ass’ hug #SlangIsTheLanguageOfTheFuture (><)–
“Tha fuck’s the matter with you?” Kelly said when Chuck didn’t hug her back. “Too cool now to hug your oldest cousin?–”
“You know she’s in college, right?”
This new speaker, John, walked up behind Kelly, ‘playfully’ punched Chuck in the arm, Paul (harder) next.
Paul nursed it (ok, it was pretty hard (poor guy) x’d)–
“Did I see you guys on Facebook making fun of a guy in a wheelchair a few days ago?” Kelly asked.
John: “Oh, here we go–”
“It was a joke,” Paul sneered. “Dude hit his girlfriend, he deserved far worse than what we gave him–”
“Are you still seeing Helen?” Kelly ignored, asked Chuck.
John: “Bro, you’ve been with her for so loooong, man!” John may or may not have been a few beers in ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. “I mean, with those dimples, I can’t imagine you aren’t getting at least some opportunities at that fiiiiiiine pussy grabbin’ I know is available at your high school. Or that you won’t over the next year–”
“I think it’s cute–”
“Shut up, Kelly,” John replied. “You haven’t had a boyfriend for more than a night since you were twelve.”
“Oh, you’re exaggerating–”
“Even Shannon had a nice Christian boy under her thumb for a few weeks back in May, and she didn’t even have to ‘nail’ him or anything!”
John was very proud of his sister for this; had both hands on his hips and wore a wide smile to express it–
“And she’s like a goooodddddaaaammnnneddd suuperhero when it comes to work ethic and the intricate relationship between political theory, intellect, and Individuality in our ever-growing perceivable still-psychologically-evolving physical and metaphysical universe–”
Paul: “He was quite under her thumb though–”
John: “Chuck’s gotta expand his horizons if he wants to be a philosopher when he grows up–”
“I don’t wanna do that anymore, man.”
“Tha’ fuck you just say, bitch?–”
“I said it’s boring and I don’t wanna do it anymore–”
“Then what do you want to do?–”
“If you say play Death Metal for a living,” said Kelly, waving a finger xxxxx1111. “I’m taking back all the positive things I’ve ever said about your girlfriend–”
John: “Who the fuck are you, Kelly, his ‘relationship probation officer’?–”
“No, I just honestly don’t like her is all. I mean it’s her fucking fault that he’s all obsessed with that demon music now anyway, instead of worrying about his studies–”
“That’s bullshit,” John said. “Chuck, don’t listen to this whore, all she listens to is what’s on the radio–”
“That’s because what’s on the radio is nice and simple, and I don’t need music to make me think. Unlike some of us, I do enough of that on my own–”
“I didn’t get into Death Metal because of Helen!” –Chuck getting a little frustrated :(. “I got into Death Metal because it’s awesome, and because the shit they play on the radio has no depth or legit reason for existence outside of economic ones ($), or as potential fuel for conspiracy theories. Besides, if anything, I got her into Death Metal–”
“You gonna fall in loooooove, bro-dawg?” said John. “Bang for the first time in the ‘Nicest Chapel Under the Stars’ that oooohhh-just-so-happened-to-have-appeared-just-for-you right after you just had the most amazing and romantic wedding ceremony in the history of existence? Fuckin’ prude–”
Paul: “He’s right–”
“I dunno…” Chuck mumbled.
“What about kids?” John said. “She talkin’ ‘bout havin’ kids yet?” and John suddenly took on a very serious tone *TheMost-Serious . “You got papers? I’ma need some proof before I beat the living shit outta your dumb ass for ruining your FUCKING life–”
“Shut up, John. They’re only kids,” said Kelly. “It’s young love,” and she rustled the shag on Chuck’s head. “We’re all looking for it–”
“Pft– You’re looking for it. I like getting’ my dick wet and makin’ that caaaash money, sucka! Hahahaha…”
John put Paul into a headlock, started ‘playfully’ punching repeatedly him in the ribs, though Chuck could tell that, once again, it did, in fact, hurt Paul quit a bit #KnowYourStrength,Saiyans .
“Are you listening to this, Chuck?” Kelly asked her cousin.
“Yea, I’m hearing it,” but Chuck was lying. He got all hung up on that #Looooove talk, and this new idea then entering his head: that society was unequivocally invested in watching his innocent youth crumble like the bad meme in the everlasting black oblivion it was always made out to be in the mainstream media #ReciprocalSex? . ‘Why do they want me to fail?’ he thought to himself.
 For the record, ‘fake news’ is not ‘real news’; the primary distinguishing factor being that I AGREE with REAL news, and ‘fake news’ is fucking fake because it’s written by people who DON’T KNOW WHAT THE HELL THEY’RE TALKING ABOUT because they’re, like, totally like, stupid and like, stuff and, like, like, I’m, like, super-duper like, smart-like, like the smartest, *TheSmartest like *TheSmartestPersonEver LIKE, LIKE, LIKE, *Like,Like,The,Like,Fucking,Like,Smartest,Like,Fucking,-Like,Person,Like,Fucking,Like,Ever like, duh? Like, like, fucking duuuuuh #TheSmartestFucking-PersonEVER #Like,EVER #Like #Likes #MoreLikes #LikeMe #LikeMe,Please #PleaseLikeMe #LikeLikeLike XXXPPP /> Dude…
 So reluctantly… :!!! #Ugh #SoSmug #Smug #Smug*SoSmug
–Jordan, Mark D. Telling Truths in the Church: Scandal, Flesh, and Christian Speech. Beacon Press. 2004
- Gaylor, Annie Laurie. ‘The Scandal of Pedophilia in the Church’. Freedom From Religion Foundation. 1992. Web. Dec. 24 2016. https://ffrf.org/faq/feeds/item/18500-the-scandal-of-pedophilia-in-the-church
- Stille, Alexander. ‘What Pope Benedict Knew About Abuse in the Catholic Church’. The New Yorker. Jan. 26 2016. Web. Dec. 24 2016. http://www.newyorker.com/news/news-desk/what-pope-benedict-knew-about-abuse-in-the-catholic-church
 Again, this is supposed to be a(nother) quote from a song. I cannot afford to pay to the publishing company to reprint it. I sincerely apologize, and hope that this does not alter your perception of this story or anything related to it
 Reference to Japanese manga and anime series Dragon Ball Z (saiyans are a type of alien (who ironically look a lot like humans o.O) who have the ability to turn into giant super-strong apes /> and harness the power of telepathy and manipulated nuclear energy for the sake of saving the universe, no big deal (although humans also have these powers as well (according to the show* o.OO), but whatever :/))