Zombie_Ritual__Second_Coming (Chapter Five)
This is the fifth chapter to a novella called The Zombie Ritual_A Second Coming by r(E)volutionized founder/contributor John Corry. Book is available in the r(E)volutionized store.
Diary Entry by: Human Being: Chuck Zelmer (in a rare, relatively decent mood :/)
Dated: September 5th: 2 months, 1 day, post-outbreak
‘It’s been over two months since the outbreak, and the luxury suite has worked out so far. I’ve been rationing my food, although I find that even if I weren’t to care much about that, I’d have far more than enough to last at least a year. I won’t eat after four in the afternoon, for ‘scientific’ purposes (i.e. I get drunker on an empty stomach =D), instead choosing to get wasted off my Uncle Kam’s insanely impressive whiskey collection that he’s got here. Dude was such a baller. I don’t know how, but I never wake up feeling hungry or with any type of hangover. I guess one just gets ridiculously good at drinking after experiencing trauma…
‘I’ve boarded up the doors, but the windows I’ve left untouched. I’ve seen the Dead outside–not many–but they never run, nor do they ever come near the windows of my fortress. I know they’ve seen me through them, yet they’ve made no acknowledgement. It’s like all they see are their own vague reflections in the glass, to which they feel no immediate reaction, because, deep down, that’s all they ever see (a ‘reflection’) /> or, perhaps, that’s the only thing anyone ever sees…’
‘I have met no living since the outbreak.
‘Thankfully, the TV still works. According to the few stations still in operation, the outbreak has implied the complete of human civilization. Almost every city in the world has been destroyed, including all major ones, and any potential for some kind of mass sense of organized leadership is even worse off. Ninety-Five percent of the formerly human population has either been killed or turned. It’s only a matter of time… The fallout from the nukes ironically did nothing but hurt us, so what humans are still living are forced to live underground, which is also where the Dead dwell. They congregate in the dark tunnels where subways used to be, or in basements–or in seemingly vacant houses with boarded-up windows–until the night befalls the sky…
‘Other than that (TV), I don’t do much around here. Reggie the DJ’s DJ set-up was centered in the stereo system in this living room, probably so that Kam could get at it if he ever caught Reggie playing anything other than classic rock and oldies in between sets, so I’ve been listening to that quite a bit.
‘I’ve discovered a love for a genre I’ve never been much into before–’
[Insert ‘Metal’ Here]
‘–most likely because it does such a good job at stopping me from thinking, but, more so, I think, because it’s the only thing that gets me to feel anything anymore, without that feeling evoking no potential action other than suicide. Not to say that country music is all about escapism and emotion, probably about as much as any other type of music, I’d say now, or at least I’d hope I would /> because hating on any musical genre, and the people who listen to it, with the assumption than it says anything more about them than what they feel at that moment (which I could never comment on, because I’ve never been them ‘in that moment’ in this reality (the reality in which I live)) is an ego-based anti-existence (division) steeped in a subconscious lack of responsibility (empathy?) and Denial of Life. An anti-reality (or: Anti-Subjective Honesty) based in strictly personal/ emotional and opinion-based reactions and suppositions, with no care or regard for other human beings (or: life), and their relations to us as both individuals as Individuals, and as Individuals each as their own necessary organs of Society. It is a violent anti-thought/‘rebellion’ against the fact that we all have that right to life, Science (knowledge and argument), Emotion (including happiness, which is an emotion, or at least a Form begot from emotion (also including: Anger and Frustration (among more))), love, the balance between all those things and the fact that they all exist simultaneously, and the potential to contemplate anything without the prescience of ‘the many’ or of ‘divine’ judgment /> only human (Judgment).
‘Honestly though, I think the real reason for this personal retro-engagement I’m having here is that country music is just fitting my mood more on the reg is all, and my previously ‘partisan’ inner workings simply haven’t yet adjusted to the canter…
‘Death metal just doesn’t seem to do it for me anymore...’
[Insert ‘Metal’ Here]
‘I’ve been searching for Helen.
‘There’s nothing left of the BNB but rubble, my suite, and the basement. I’ve gone extensively through the rubble; a bit of the lobby and some of the first floor are still intact, though by that I mean that a few blocks of wall are still standing here and there…
‘I have not ventured into the basement…
‘I keep thinking about Helen and why she told me to forget about her. Logistic or spiritual legalities temporarily aside, how could she ask me that? I could never forget about her… Even if that night had never happened, I could never forget about her. If I only could forget her–her entire existence or the possibility of her EVER FUCKING EXISTING IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!–perhaps that would do my progressing alcoholism a little better–
‘Alcohol… That’s what drew everyone into this bullshit, isn’t it? ‘Escapism’: the need for it? Its unavoidable Appeal. “Just do whatever you can–ANYTHING!–to forget what happened there at #TheEnd –what hurts you the most–that negativity, that ‘bad smell’, the ‘certainty’ of a future filled with nothing but Death, Hate and suffering.” To Dwell in Misery is to Live in never-ending Death… “Remember me for who I truly was.” Maybe that’s what she meant?
‘The way she truly was #Truth ?: the way she’d smile at me every first-time she’d see me that day, every day; the way her nose would scrunch up at just the tiniest movement of her face toward a smile when she’d be trying to hold it in; the way she’d snort uncont-rollably while laughing her perfect ass off at Steven Spielberg’s Schindler’s List even though Schindler’s List really isn’t that funny of a movie (is it? (No))–
The way she’d make fun of me for being obsessed with blink-182 when I was younger (yea, because Green Day is “so much better” :/); the way she’d passively mention how much better of a guitarist Jimmy Page was than me (which is obviously true, but that’s missing the point); the way she would talk down to me when we’d share the high points of our days with each other, or when we’d talk about our friends or our families or our dreams…’
‘Those were the things that mattered, and not just the memories of them. The feelings of good and/or growth they evoke in me now, the knowledge of what I found beautiful at that time, the beauty in the good they must infinitely provide in #AbsoluteReality –that which enables its very existence!–the truth of the relative/ absolute love, which can only be described, if it has to be described, as, simply, love. I don’t need that #Definition to know that it #Exists , even after all the ##BullshitBullshit …
‘In fact, now that I think about it: the more I try to #Define it, or to hold onto those memories, the harder it becomes to #Grasp , or to Feel as though I Understand. It just keeps moving with the moment, Infinitely through Time and Space, with my #Perspective constantly #Locked into #Place , Thinking that it’s not that bad, that it’s all just Normal and Natural and Ordinary, and that it really doesn’t matter anyhow…
‘With every care in the world…’
[Insert ‘Metal’ Here]
 ‘Denial of Life’, Scream Bloody Gore, Death, Combat Records, 1987
 No Saiyan… :’(
 For the last time: this is supposed to be a quote from a song; however, I cannot afford to pay to the publishing company to reprint it. I again sincerely apologize, and greatly hope that this does not alter any perception of this story or anything related to it. Please feel free to get into contact with me if you’re curious about what the quote may or may not have been, and remember that artists and musicians need to get paid too